Divorce Is Not An All-Purpose Solution

 

     Divorce isn’t something that any couple plans on.  All couples believe that they can make a marriage work when they first get married.  Nobody thinks that it will happen to them.  In reality, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate is double what it was back in 1960.  With the divorce rate being so high many people don’t want to get married.  I was one of those people.  When I was little I dreamed of the day of getting married.  However, the closer I got to the age of marriage the more I got scared of marriage.  Divorce is everywhere from friend’s parents, family members, movie stars, and in the media and movies.  The world plays off divorce as a common and likely result of getting married.  I didn’t want to become one of those statistics.  I feared that I could become one of the statistics if I chose to get married.  It took a lot of praying and finding the right guy to change my mind about marriage and the risk of divorce.

    There are some marriages that end in divorce due to an unfaithful spouse or abuse.  In some cases there are good reasons for divorce.  When a relationship is toxic or has abuse a person needs to do what is best for them and their children.  However, there are also many divorces that happen simply because we "fall out of love", fight too much, or don't get a long.  In these cases it is worth trying to work it out.   

     Elder Dallin H. Oaks  said “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect women.  It only requires a man and women committed to strive together toward perfection.”  I love this quote.  A lot of times when a marriage gets tough it seem a lot easier to throw in the towel and give up.  I think we have all probably had those times in our marriage where we feel like it won’t or can’t get better.  The best thing we can do is be committed to each other and strive towards perfection.  Nobody is perfect and no marriage is perfect.  Just as we strive to be Christ like we can also strive to have a good marriage.  Every day we do things like reading the scriptures and praying and it brings up closer to Christ.  Just as we have to work at growing closer to Christ, we to must work at our marriages to have a good marriage.  We have to do things to make our marriage stronger.  We can’t just expect it to be a good marriage.   President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “Two individuals approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the happy marriage which they hope for they must know that marriage … means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing. It means children who bring with them financial burdens, service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the deepest and sweetest emotions of all.”

    Dallin H. Oaks also  strongly cautions those who are considering a divorce "...to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache.”  Before jumping into the decision to divorce we need to pray together with our spouse for guidance and make sure that it is the right path or decision to make.  We also need to take in account our children and the impact it will make upon them.  

    We should enter into a marriage expecting and wanting to work.  When things get tough we need look for the reasons we want it to work and not why we don't want it to work. 

To read Elder Dallin H. Oaks full talk go to https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng