When I first got married my mom gave me some advice that I have always remembered and strived to live up to.  She told me that “Your husband is my best friend and you should treat him like it.  You wouldn’t treat any other friends rudely or speak down to them, so don’t do it to your husband. ”  This has stuck with me.  There are times when I want to tell my husband what to do or I nag at him.  When I catch myself doing this I think to myself, “would I treat my other friends this way?  Would I treat my best girl friend the way I am treating my husband.”  Often times I know that I wouldn’t treat or talk to my best friends the way I talk to my husband.  If I did talk to my friends this way I guarantee they wouldn’t be my friends for long.  We should treat our spouse with respect.  We shouldn’t talk down and degrading to them, we should talk to them nicely and lovingly.

      John M. Gottman taught that “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”  By a deep friendship he means is “a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each others company,” this means we enjoy being together and the time we spend together.  When a couple is happily married they  enjoy each other, spend time together,  know each others likes and dislikes,  know each others hopes and dreams, and  know each other intimately.  When we have a deep friendship with our spouse we go out of our way to make each other happy and we also do simple and small things for each other every day.   The things we do for each other don’t have to be big and grand or overly romantic.  It can be as small as leaving them a note, calling them to see how their day is going, or even packing them their lunch.

  I have found that doing small things for my husband has strengthened our relationship.  I enjoy doing acts of kindness and service.   When I do small acts of service or kindness for him I find myself appreciating the things he does for me more.  It’s not always things he might notice but they are my way of showing him that I love and am grateful for him.  Sometimes the act might be buying him a maple donut at the store, other times it might be mowing the lawn so he doesn’t have to, or taking the kids out with me to run errands so he can have a little relaxing time.   I have noticed that my husband does small acts for me as well.    The acts of kindness may be small but they are big to me. If we all looked out for one another's needs we wouldn’t have to worry about our own needs because they too would be met by our spouse.