Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”  There may be many interpretations of this scripture.  Some may say when we get married we should leave our parents and be cut of from them completely.  Others may think that it just means simply to leave their home and make you own home with your spouse.  Elder Marvin J. Ashton clarified the meaning of this scripture as it relates to newly married couples as “Certainly a now-married man should cleave unto his wife in faithfulness, protection, comfort, and total support, but in leaving father, mother, and other family members, it was never intended that they be ignored, abandoned, shunned, or deserted.  They are still family, a great source of strength….Wise parents, whose children have left to start their own families , realize their family role still continues, not in a realm of domination, control, regulation, supervision, or imposition, but in love, concern, and encouragement.” 

            It seems like there usually is a problem in most relationships with either the child not being able to completely let go of the close relationship with their parent or the parent not being able to let go of their child.  Either way it is healthy for the child to develop their own relationship with their spouse and start a new path of in life together.  This doesn’t necessarily mean to abandon old traditions and expectations of their families.  It means compromising and mixing traditions, wants, and adding your own to your relationship.  President Spencer W. Kimball cautioned parents and married adult children saying “Frequently, people continue to cleave  unto their mothers and fathers….Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands aw well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whearas cleaving should be to the wife in most things….”  President Kimball also identified some important points regarding family relationships.

·        First,  married children should confide in and counsel with their spouse.

·        Second, if possible they should establish their own household, separate from their parents.

·        Finally, any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by spouses together.

Cleaving unto our spouses may require some adjustments in our relationships.  Women who are close with their mothers and confide in them need to turn to their spouse.  It can cause problems within a marriage and jealousy from the husband if the wife is always with their mom and turning to her for advice.  Husbands also can have a hard time letting go for their parents as well. It’s not always the wife who can have a close relationship with her mom.  Having a mom or mother in-law involved in the marriage relationship makes things off balanced and can only cause problems and triangulation can occur. 

I have seen both sides happen in marriages. While reading the chapter  “Creating Healthy Ties  With In-Laws and Extended Families” By Harper, J.M. and Olsen  I came to realize that my mom has had a hard time letting go when her children have been married.  She inserts herself into a lot of our marriages and tries to give us advice and counsel when it isn’t asked for.  She has had a hard time letting go of her parenting role.  I have also seen my sister in-law have a close relationship with her mom.  They are best friends and are always together.  It’s great that her and her mom have a great relationship, however, her relationship with her husband is hurt because of it.  The chapter had a lot of great advice for solving these problems encountered in these type of relationships and how to create our marital identity. 

For more information see:

  Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.